Have you ever wondered if you’re with the right doctor? Not just regarding specialty (e.g. of course you don’t use a cardiologist to deliver your baby). You also need to make sure that your doctor, specifically your primary care doctor, is a good fit for you and vice versa. There is a reason it’s called a doctor-patient relationship. It truly should be a relationship. And, as anyone that’s been in a relationship knows, it’s a two-way street with give and take from all involved. So, how does your relationship with your provider measure up? Here are a few signs that its time to consider moving on.
- He / She doesn’t spend time with you. No relationship can survive on 5-minute interactions every now and then. If my significant other were always in a rush to go off and see someone else, he / she wouldn’t be significant for long. This isn’t an oil change. It’s your life. Literally! There has to be more than a 5-minute quicky to keep the relationship going.
- He / She doesn’t try to get to know you. Do you only get yes or no questions during your physician encounters? That may be by design. I can move through the visit faster if there is no opportunity for explanation. While this may help the doctor get information quickly (very necessary in certain environments like emergency rooms), it’s not a great way to build rapport which is vital to a good primary care relationship. Some of my patients hate medicine so much that they will lose 50 lbs if it means they get to stay pill free. And some of my patients will take the pills because they aren’t in a place where they can prioritize lifestyle modifications. Some of my patients will only let you know about a symptom if it is absolutely debilitating while others share freely every ailment. I know when my never-complain-about-anything patients report a problem, it’s probably already a really serious issue by the time they bring it up. I’m more likely to employ more aggressive workups with these folks for that reason. I know my anxious folks. I have to adjust my approach with them so that they don’t worry unnecessarily about irrelevant issues. I also know my patients that require the do-you-want-to-die speech. All of this requires getting to know your patients.
- You dread the interaction. If you’ve rescheduled your visit 3 times because you “just can’t deal with Dr. So-n-so today”, then it may be time for you to explore other options. Yes, the practice may miss the money it would get from your visit, but you may miss life-saving information or interventions if you don’t attend your visits. Missing appointments hurts you more than it hurts the doctor. So, find someone you are comfortable with and keep your appointments.
- You don’t trust him / her. If you feel like your doctor may have ulterior motives or you’ve noticed some shady behavior, these may be signs that you need to go elsewhere. Now this doesn’t mean that your doctor should not be paid for service, but if he / she is recommending unnecessary procedures or getting upset when you don’t buy something from them are tell tale signs that there may be other factors at play. Get a second opinion, and if things don’t add up, move on.
- You feel uncomfortable or shamed during your encounters. Sir Isaac Newton said “Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy”. Sometimes we as doctors must tell our patients and their families some uncomfortable truths. While it is the job of medical practitioners to tell you what the data says about your health, there is definitely a wrong way to do it. It is also important to realized that feeling conviction about something you should change is not the same as shaming. See, conviction is an inner feeling that comes from the individual knowing he / she should do better. Shaming is condescending rhetoric from outside directed at an individual to make him / her feel that they are “bad” because the condition exists. Telling someone how long they should exercise is not the same as calling someone (or implying that someone is) lazy. There is a difference though both may result in uncomfortable feelings.
If you are in a toxic relationship with your doctor, get out. Toxicity can cause irreparable damage, and you have options. You can request to be scheduled with another doctor if you want to remain with the practice or you can leave the practice completely. If the relationship is not toxic, just maybe not what it could be, then consider letting the doctor or an administrator know how you feel and how you would like to be treated. Sometimes these requests can be accommodated and you can build your relationship from there. After all, just leaving doesn’t fix the problem; it just means that you don’t have to deal with it anymore.
Sometimes, when the accommodations aren’t possible / feasible, finding another provider that fits your needs necessary. I have unfortunately had to refer patients else where when I knew that the patient and I were not a good fit. I once worked for a very busy practice that had long waits for appointments. The patient expressed that he was uncomfortable waiting that long for the next available appointment even if he felt well. I totally sympathized with him and suggested that he try some other doctors in the area that had better appointment availability. I’ve also recommended patients with very complicated medical issues that required well-coordinated multi-specialty care be seen at clinics that are part of a “medical-home” where the primary care providers and specialist share electronic medical records and other resources.
Find what works for you. Both you and your provider will be happier if you can work together on your care in a harmonious fashion. Remember, harmony consists of different notes that sound beautifully together. You don’t have to be the same. You just have to fit together well.
Be well.
